Bear’s Eulogy

by Laoch

August, 31st 2004, Bear Brown chose to leave the reality that he shared with us, and passed into the next life. Over the past few weeks, he had been struggling with trying to figure out where he was heading in this life, and had spoken of making a number of changes to try and figure out where he needed to be.

We spent the evening over at Sandie’s, where something of an impromptu wake sort of sprang up, with friends arriving until late into the night to find support. Most were very quiet, somber and solemn, and while I can understand that grief is something most folks consider to be a serious matter, I think that Bear would have spent much of the evening making people laugh. Since he and I shared so many aspects, I was honoured to stand in for him in this regard.

Bear, though often troubled by struggles and anxieties, was also very much a free spirit, living in the now as best he could. Laughter was a very important part of his life, and his own morbid and dark sense of humour was one of the things I loved most about him. I could feel him out there in the air, just wanting to smack someone upside the head for not seeing that he is moving forward where he needs to go, unburdened by the things which made his presence in the flesh such a struggle.

There was one fellow who was very angry that Bear had chosen to leave, and just couldn’t get it that it wasn’t about him. I don’t understand why or how you could be angry at Bear for continuing his journey. Yes, I miss him. Yes, the world is a dimmer place without the light of his goofy-assed sense of humour. And yes, the bastard won’t ever get to finish my tattoo.

But I know that Bear is where he needs to be. And that, despite the abruptness of his passage, and the burden he put upon Sandie for taking care of his empty shell… this, too, is the way Bear is. He was finished with the shell, and gave it no further thought. He wasn’t cruel, or thoughtless. It likely just didn’t occur to him to worry about what got left behind. He is still very much a part of the now, and I suspect his spirit will be felt where it needs to be for a long time to come.

At the very least, he’s now in a better position to finally catch up with Murphy and give him a long-deserved swirlie.